After my last post I thought I'd move forward with things. I recently started a Beth Moore bible study, "Breaking Free." Looks to be a tough one. Know that when I say..."I could not do any more Bible studies than I am currently doin"...that does not mean I do not value the word of God and really digging deep to impress God's word not only in your mind but in your heart. I started this study a few weeks ago. If you have done a Beth Moore study you know that most studies are about a certain character in God's word. Well this study is a bit different. Rather than looking at someone else's journey, we are looking at our own.
Ya know when you find yourself walking in the dark of life, the last thing you want to do is take alot of time to look at the journey. You just want to speed walk or run when you find the energy to, so that you can get out of the dark tunnel and into the light again. But I am trusting that through my searching and studying that eventually the area around me will at some point gain some light.
I decided the end of the first week that I was going to ask you all, my friends and family, to join me on this journey. I am a week and a half behind but we will pluck away. This may actually be good though. As the weekly videos move forward...I am taking my time with homework. During the week I also replay the audio version of the weeks lesson. You know, listen to something enough, your bound to learn something. But anyhow. I think maybe too, going through my homework of God's word and this study and then sitting down to voice it in written form for you all...yet another way to really make sure I'm getting things down. I do not claim to be the smart teacher here. I know there are many out there that could get far more out this and explain it better than I ever could. But maybe somehow, as I try to be open and searching for support and accountability that God may bless us all in some way.
So lets see what we got here.
Again this study is about the forms of bondage that non Christians, and certainly Christians alike, find ourselves tied up with. Many pious people think that, o, your Christian so your perfect. Then when we mess up, their responds is to say "what a poor representation of the church, did you hear what she did? And she claims to be a "Christian". Yes we are Christians, we are NOT God. We are NOT perfect either. For us to be a Christian and not make mistakes we, well would have to be DEAD.
There are many chains that bound me. I am not going to get into all the specifics, I mean accountability is what I need. Not a judge, not someone claiming to be God and well...enough of my dirty laundry has been hung to dry by others trying to play God in this life. Not a good idea. Not only would laying all that out be a hindrance I believe to some that have a distorted view of Christians, but well it too just isn't any of your business. Do you lay your dirty laundry out? No we cover it all up with mask we wear. Mask could included hiding behind our jobs, our children, our fashion style, our talents. I have been then there. Maybe I still am there.
My bondage has prove to be many different things. I was the worst kind of captive, a prisoner unaware. Hiding behind being a coach at one time gave me a great hiding place for several years. Sometimes, I got too comfortable and stepped out and well, got burned. It has taken o what is it now...4 years or so. I've lost count. But I FINALLY am seeing that all that I was caught in at that time...man I tell you I was so tied up in many things that I just finally couldn't walk and fell over. But that was one of the BEST things that ever happened to me. I have tried hiding behind my kids. What is your bondage? I'm not asking for you to tell me. Please don't. I'm asking you to search your own heart and life and figure it out. Are you tired of being bound? I am.
We have a promise in God's word that once we are a child of His that nothing can hold us captive without our permission. God did not come to set us free for us to live our life in self-inflicted bondage. We must learn to live in Christ's glory, in His liberty. We must also stay alert that we may not end up in bondage again. God sent His Son to set the captives free so that we may ring the bell of liberty.
I don't know about you but in addition to my different chains I am held bondage by, I also defeat myself daily with that self-inflicted war. I am pretty good at extending grace...not always to the dog that is tearing up my house...but to people, I am pretty good at forgiving. Maybe cause I know that I get grace from God every second of the day and do not ever want to mess that up. I also make enough mistakes of my own. If I don't forgive how can expect others and God to forgive me. I'm not brave enough to play God in other peoples lives. I'm also not dumb enough to allow bitterness to ruin my life. Lord, it takes more energy and hurts you more than anyone else for you to hold a grudge toward someone else who did something wrong to you. I'm so sorry I have enough issues on my own, I don't need to carry anyone elses. Some things are harder to forgive. Like earlier when I wrote about pious people playing God in my life and get this not just judging but deciding for me and a bunch of other people what my punishment would be for...my sin. Again hard to forgive but I finally got there. Took alot of medicine, therapy and just time. Hind sight is always 20/20. I thank God for that whole situation now. It's harder to THANK the people, I'm not there yet. But to release my judgement...that was actually the easy part. How could I not forgive them? What I did is no worse or no better? If I couldn't forgive, I couldn't start healing. Healing was more important than pay back.
I like how Beth Moore words it
"How would I have known that I was lost
Had You not searched and found me?
How would I have known that I was blind
Had You not made me see?
How would I have known my bleeding
'Til You bound Your love around me?
How would I have groaned my slavery
Until You set me free?"
It's hard when God has to take us so far down that the only place to look is up. He has to do that to me over and over and over again. I'm so hard headed. But I'm glad God loves me and all of us enough to go looking for us.
I'll close with this piece of info that came from Chonda Pierce's book. She was talking about how in Genesis God went looking for His first kids. (Most of this will be Chonda's words) He gave a command, not to eat of the bread of knowledge. He did that not to hold them back, but to protect them. He was really saying "Look there's somethings you just don't need to know. There's something you'll never know. I am God and you are not." But like me, I don't know about you...you tell me NOT to do something, and I'm going to do it. Well you know the story Adam AND Eve ate of the fruit. Cause Adam was WITH her. They felt shame and like us tried to cover it up. They had leaves everywhere. Like we do on Sunday morning and for some of us, what we do every day. Then God came looking for them. He wanted them to check in. He needed some authentic time with His kids. Where are you? What's really going on in your lives? Lets not skirt over the issues any more? I know your burying yourself in coaching and trying to get humans to be everything for you and fill you. Yet your still empty. Those things and people can not satisfy, I wanted to do that and only I can. So where are you? When He found out what they had done, He loved them so that He made them clothes and tools. He hated that they found out...what sin looked like. He had to send them out of the garden and told them it was going to be tough. But He just couldn't send them out with out the tools they would need to help them.
You see God went looking for them. Just like He searches for us. I'm glad He doesn't just wait for us to come to Him. He sometimes comes and find us. Catches us in the act. Not to destroy us, but to help us. Grace always extended. Thank you Father.
I like knowing God does not have a piece of chalk in one hand and an eraser in the other. For us who are His children and have been saved. He doesn't stand there and write our name on the board when we accept Him. Then when He looks down and we told a lie, said a bad word, or __________ fill in the blank for yourself...He doesn't erase our names. I'm thankful that there is NOTHING we can do to out do God's Grace.
Breaking the chains of bondage has been a process for me for years. It ain't over either. Obviously. But I like knowing that God gives us tools and watches out for us, even when we're so far in the dark we can't even see our hand right in front of our face.
God help me to break free and to know the truth. Cause Your word says that the truth will set us free. I promised You God that I would not hide Your deliverance but that I would share it and give You all the glory. That maybe others will also be set free. Bless the words You laid upon me heart and may You help us all to seek You first, You always and You only.
Sittin in the dark does anyone have a light
Candy
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