I must talk to Father about this

If God was waiting for me to be fed up...I am there. I said enough already, I must talk to Father about this mess...

Ok, here's the plan. We are going to start this medicine..this MOOD ENHANCER. Doesn't that sound funny?! Mood Enhancer...I can be sent to a spa for a day and have my mood enhanced. Why not go that route. But I continued to GIVE God the plan. The meds will begin to work in 2-4 weeks and we will be done with this mess. O and this Vertigo, who heard of such a thing. No more tea cup rides for the two of us mister. I mean, Father Lord God. Amen.

Yes ok, God didn't read the memo. Or I'm sure He didn't get it. Cause ain't a stinkin thing changed. Yet I saw Him show up. He had a different game plan though.

I am amazed at how God shows up...where ever we are. I have been burying myself in three books and still the Breaking Free study to try and keep some type of balance on things.

I cried out to God during the week of just illness...I can't wait to free of. I felt like I was sitting in a dark tunnel and having the biggest pity party anyone has ever thrown. There was enough wine and cheese for anyone that wanted to join. I was snottin away and saying anything just to have the sound of at least my echo to keep me from goin in sane. Does anyone else have that problem? Where silence just drives you crazy? Well too much of it. I mean I long for quite times, sometimes as well, but when your in the dark with silence for too long...I begin playing Marco Polo with myself.

Then a cried out, where are you Lord? You said you would be with me at all times. Where are you? In some moment I got a chuckle. I imagined Him telling me well, I played Marco Polo with you. It wasn't your echo it was My voice. I let you snot on My robe for a while. And the rest of the time, I just sat here whispering to you through the books you are reading. Here I thought the authors were speaking and no...God used it all to just keep me a float for a while.

I asked Him when we were leaving the tunnel? He said In MY time. Well okay then! That doesn't sound like a fool proof plan. I mean we didn't go over defensive end plays, whether it was going to be a short pass, goin long and a quarter back sneak. Or maybe even a Tebow pitch. I don't have a clue where to run and I know the play clock is WAY OVER 30 seconds. Almost at 30 DAYS.

So I'm just grabbing what He sends me. It might not make any sense to anyone but me.

So on with some lessons from Breaking Free.

I have to stop living in defeat when God desires me and all His children to life in Victory. Victory should be the rule not the exception. God knows I do not believe in being possessed. PLEASE do not send me any letters on this. This is just me. Maybe a downfall but just let me deal with my major issues before ya'll attack me on being possessed. Did you know that even though we are God's children that we can be so oppressed by the enemy that we feel possessed and I think in my situation feel DEpressed.

Isaiah 54:17-18 (NIV) no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me, declares the Lord.

This SHOULD be our lives. God has given us the right, those of us that are His children, to refute warfare.

Let me just stop and say when I say WE, OUR or whatever I mean ME. It's just easier for me to write in that form.

So I asked myself, what's your problem here? Well THAT is a deep list of fish in the sea. I think for me, I'm SO stinkin hard headed. That God really has to lay me flat on my back before I realize...duh only He can help and guide and fix whatever is going on. Not my dearest friends Florence, Lynne, my wonderful husband, my daddy...I am the biggest people person I have ever met. I get absorbed with people. Certain people. Close friends. Like I wrote once before...God is asking daily? Where are YOU Candy? You do not have fulfillment in life cause your searching in all the wrong places. Only I can fill your every need. Only I can be EVERYTHING for you. I probably could have saved alot of heart ache had I learned this earlier. And I'm not saying I have it down yet. Sorry, my dear friends and loved ones. But God is working on it. God lays me flat but this time, I think He just popped my bubble completely. "Now you hard headed child of Mine, are you ready to learn to live in Me, live to fight the enemy, fight life's battles."

John 10:10 (NIV) the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I come that they (my children) may have life to the full.

How many times have I read that verse...and I still didn't get it? I think He wrote this next verse for me...

Judges 6:10 But you have not listened to me

I use to work with a personal trainer. I know your saying...use...have you looked in the mirror lately, you may want to start back! Okay Okay you see how messed up I am. Anyway, Brain use to tell me when I was screaming in pain and pushing all I could to do the last set of reps...I would have to say "I am more than a conqueror". God meant for us to be more than conquerors.

So I'm at that point where God is asking...Are you ready to learn? When will we as Christians learn that our plan is NOT working. I don't think God even tried my last plan. Guess He is tired of running the routes and I keep throwing interceptions.

But you know, I so don't want to go over all the things I'm doing wrong to see WHY they are not working. I just want God to free me from this dark place. But God is saying NO. My child we must deal with the whole truth and then we can move on.

I don't know about you but I'm good at handing this and this over to God. But THAT, I'll hold onto. But in order to be free we must make sacrifices. God is more than capable to handle anything we can throw at Him. And what I'm learning too is He is more than capable of turning our ugliest sins into sweet sacrifices as well. That's hard to grasp in my lil ol brain. My deepest darkest sin, (think of yours...) God CAN turn that into such a sweet sacrifices when we truly lay it at His feet. Wow. Isn't He good?

Jehovah Jirah, you amaze me.

Allow me to add this next lil bit. I read this book, yea the WHOLE book, in two days. It's only 112 pages. But let me tell you. The BEST $2.50 I have EVER spent. I love Amazon. It's titled the Red Sea Rules. Subtitled 10 God given strategies for difficult times.

Rule 1 Realize that God means for you to be where you are

I thought. really. Thanks you Father. What a field trip You signed us up for?

There's a quote by Charles Spurgeon "The Lord will make a way for you where no foot has been before. That which, like a sea, threatens to drown you, shall be a highway for your escape"

SO maybe this dark tunnel is like one of those coming out of New York City. a "highway of escape". I tell you if THIS is the escape, I don't want to know what I'm escaping from. God's word promises us over and over again that He will make a escape for His weary, but waiting, children. Our God is a great God. A patient Father. There is no sea deeper than the ocean of His love for us. No army stronger than His hosts of angels. No force greater than His throne of grace. No enemy can overcome His direct and indirect work in our lives.

I like how the author put it..."God will always make a way for His tired, YET TRUSTING, children, even if He must split the sea to do it."

Thank you Father. I read in a very old journal of mine the other day that "Worry is putting question marks, where God has put periods." I don't know who said it. But once again, "I did not listen to Him" the first time. I so need to learn to covert my worries into prayers and my fears into faith. I think Mrs. Beverly Lowry said that in class one day. I'm almost positive. So I guess my Father, placed me here for some reason, or allowed me to be here. I may not know why for now, but I know that when I'm ready for that missing piece of the puzzle of this part of my life, He will show it to me.

Sittin in the dark and talking to God
Candy