I know I know, it's been 4 months...so sorry. Been a lot going on.
I thought I'd try to get back in the hang of blogging again. So here goes...
I was playing with play doe with the girls today. I was trying to be creative and make a dog or something and I never could get that ball of doe to turn into anything that looked worth writing home about. Maybe that's why someone invented play doe you can eat! When you get frustrated with it, just eat it. I wonder if that really taste good. I don't know...seems after playing with it for a while...just doesn't sound all that tasty.
As I got frustrated though, somehow I was reminded of Jeremiah 18:6 "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in My hand." I don't know about you, but I know I cause A LOT of frustration for God. I often find myself feeling sorry for Him. Does this happen to anyone else?
Sometimes I wish He would just write a blue print out of how He sees us and how He wants us to be. I know I'm far from the mark. Yet He says He will never leave us nor forsake us. I was quick to throw the handful of play doe back in the bin and call it a day.
Can you imagine though, all He goes through to shape us. The love He must have to be patient and understanding of our failures and stubbornness. How heart breaking it must be for the Father to spend so much time and with one thought or act, we crumble in His hands, leaving Him with nothing to do but start all over again.
It bothers me to even look back on the past 24 hours of thoughts and actions I have done to break the mold. Thank you Lord for grace! Grace that can pardon within and make us whole again. Thank you Father for the Cross where you covered every sin we have committed or will commit.
Lord keep me ever mindful of Your hands at work in my life. Though the molding can be painful at times, help me to trust in You and lean on Your understanding and not my own. Forgive and cleanse me. Help me to become what You long for me to be.
Good night my Lion of Judah!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Girls Follow Up DR Apt
Hello all. Just a quick note to update on the girls and their follow up appointment today. I promised the girls I was all theirs tonight so. I'll make this short and put other pieces in later.
We had our follow up appointment today. The girls O2 stats even with not being sick with the flu...still sat in the mid to high 80's. Again suppose to be 95. The doctor filled the paper work out for me to take to the school. They will be homebound. For those that do not understand this. Cause I didn't understand it till a few weeks and ago..and never heard of it. NO I will not be homeschooling them. Are you kidding none of us would survive that. The county school systems will appoint a teacher to come to our home one hour a day to teach the girls. My girls are very upset about this. They LOVE school and want to be with their friends. I am concerned about their lack of social skills. I mean with them being twins they are very tight and in some circles stick together, tuning everyone else out. Their lack of social skills is one of the main reasons they are in T-1 and not first grade this year. Now that social time is being taken away all
together. Yes when they get better we can return to church...but have been advised not to push that till the winter months are over. Which I hate cause we have not been able to be in church since this summer. With Michael's proceedor this summer, my depression and hospitalizations, the girls sickness on and off and their hospitalizations....I mean TRBC from the bed on Sunday mornings are great but...without true fellowship it's difficult. We all long for that fellowship again. But can't risk the girls health to be there for that.
Anyway, please continue to pray. This homebound is going to be a tough pill to swalloe for all of us. This also means I must make their days at home more productive during the day. Which means we will have to use more expenses to make this happen. What I mean by that is that the DR wants to get them to the YMCA for programs that help kids with asthma learn to live with their illness. She STRONGLY suggested both girls take swim lessons all year. This will help build up their lungs. We have a YMCA membership but with us paying $700 a month on meds for the girls and I...that extra $70 dollars a month is difficult to add back in. So I froze our YMCA membership for the time being.
The Miley Cyrus song The Climb is so perfect for the girls right now. All three of us are in love with that song. It's on in the back ground. Anyway. That was a bunny trail.
We covet your prayers so much during this time. Our church family has been such a great support. We love you all and hope that God will bless you all in return for your faithfulness to bless us in all the ways you have.
Trying to stay calm in the storm,
Michael and Candy Justice
LeAnn and Terra
We had our follow up appointment today. The girls O2 stats even with not being sick with the flu...still sat in the mid to high 80's. Again suppose to be 95. The doctor filled the paper work out for me to take to the school. They will be homebound. For those that do not understand this. Cause I didn't understand it till a few weeks and ago..and never heard of it. NO I will not be homeschooling them. Are you kidding none of us would survive that. The county school systems will appoint a teacher to come to our home one hour a day to teach the girls. My girls are very upset about this. They LOVE school and want to be with their friends. I am concerned about their lack of social skills. I mean with them being twins they are very tight and in some circles stick together, tuning everyone else out. Their lack of social skills is one of the main reasons they are in T-1 and not first grade this year. Now that social time is being taken away all
together. Yes when they get better we can return to church...but have been advised not to push that till the winter months are over. Which I hate cause we have not been able to be in church since this summer. With Michael's proceedor this summer, my depression and hospitalizations, the girls sickness on and off and their hospitalizations....I mean TRBC from the bed on Sunday mornings are great but...without true fellowship it's difficult. We all long for that fellowship again. But can't risk the girls health to be there for that.
Anyway, please continue to pray. This homebound is going to be a tough pill to swalloe for all of us. This also means I must make their days at home more productive during the day. Which means we will have to use more expenses to make this happen. What I mean by that is that the DR wants to get them to the YMCA for programs that help kids with asthma learn to live with their illness. She STRONGLY suggested both girls take swim lessons all year. This will help build up their lungs. We have a YMCA membership but with us paying $700 a month on meds for the girls and I...that extra $70 dollars a month is difficult to add back in. So I froze our YMCA membership for the time being.
The Miley Cyrus song The Climb is so perfect for the girls right now. All three of us are in love with that song. It's on in the back ground. Anyway. That was a bunny trail.
We covet your prayers so much during this time. Our church family has been such a great support. We love you all and hope that God will bless you all in return for your faithfulness to bless us in all the ways you have.
Trying to stay calm in the storm,
Michael and Candy Justice
LeAnn and Terra
Sunday, February 8, 2009
LeAnn and Terra Update
First THANK YOU ALL for your prayers most importantly, calls, cards, gifts, text, emails, visits, food, and everything else. Whether you know me or not, close to me or not, talked in the last few years or not...Our family has felt over whelmed with all the love. Your prayers have been felt as well.
Second, there are no words for the shower I was able to go home and take this afternoon. That was the first time I had left the hospital since Thursday. Thanks to Ed and Diana Parker for that much needed gift. I said that to say this....if you saw me in Target with a wet head, quickly filling a buggy and avoiding those I saw that we know....please forgive me and don't be mad. I was trying to get things to cheer the girls as well as things we needed here in the room. I did not want to keep the Parker too long. I too had to go get a cake at Kroger. See it's the 100th day of school tomorrow, Monday and the girls class is having a party with "Happy Cake". That's what my girls call it. So I had promised we would have our own 100th day party here. If we don't get out of here soon we will be celebrating my birthday and Valentines Day in here. But we will cross that bridge when we get there.
Let me answer the questions I have been asked alot.
Yes my girls have been sick on and off since October but no they have not been sick that WHOLE time. Yes LeAnn and I were here for Thanksgiving, me in VICU and LeAnn in peds...but no she has not been here since then and is not here for the same thing. Neither am I a patient at this time. The girls did have the stomach flu a few weeks back. This is not why we are here either. We had a few day break from that when this started.
Terra went to school Friday a week ago after having had the stomach flu, LeAnn stayed home just cause I wanted to give her another day and the weekend before returning. Terra began feeling sick at lunch that day. By that night she was dealing with a high fever and just yucky. LeAnn started feeling the same on Saturday afternoon. Called the DR Monday, was told don't bring them in. Lets make sure its not the 24 hour bug that is going around. Waited till Wednesday, took them in. They were tested for strep and flu. Negative for strep both positive with the flu. O2 (oxygen) was low. 90's for LeAnn and upper 80's for Terra. No typo YES Terra was worse than LeAnn. We decided to give them 24 hours with a triple dose of steriod to see if we could get the O2 up. They kept decreasing, ended in the ER at general for hours and transfered to Baptist, via ambulance.
WHY on God's green earth do Peds have to go to the ER at general, knowing they will have to be transported to Baptist if admitted. Does a women in labor go to General. UH NO. Why, cause Mother/Baby and the birth center are at Baptist. So WHY would they not treat Peds the same????????? O that's right...how can we get the MOST money from our patients??? Of course make them go to one hospital, pay those doctors, for the room and what you use in it, the works, then pay for the ambulance (by the way did you know that's $600 dollars for an ambulance?). Then you will pay for another set of doctors, another room, and all you use here too. WRONG, it's just wrong I tell you.
Now I am not going to go through all the ups and downs that we have had the past 4 days. I'm sorry for those that are not included in the people that are in my cell and that I know have text...I was sending 3-4 text a day to those people. I have had only my phone to check email and facebook. Now I have the computer so...
Most know that Terra had a major turn for the worst Friday night. Friday night and Saturday were the worst of all of this. We saw the lowest number for O2 that we have ever seen for our girls. Terra had a 81 stat. For those that do not know, our doctor like a 95, anything below that they do like to admit them. Terra went through alot Saturday. At one point in the early afternoon, Terra asked for another breathing treatment. It had only been 30 minutes since her last one. I called the nurse, they were having a code blue on the peds floor so of course that was being taken care of first. NO COMPLAINT. Terra was breathing and had O2 goin so. LeAnn pulled her O2 out of the wall by accident. So I walked across the room to help her with that. Terra called for me to come back. No sooner than I turned around to walk back to her, she turned white as a sheet and fell out of the bed. She hit her head on the wall and landed on her knees. I paged the nurse in a panic...which they were not use to hearing from our room. I couldn't even get Terra up before there were 12 people in our room. They looked her over from head to toe. Asked Terra and I twice what happened. I had to fill out a form, they checked for a concusion...then this conversation like one on House started happening between this older doctor and 4 resident doctors. Fine for TV but not what you want happening for you family. They ran test and more test, uped meds, changed meds, we finally started seeing improvement in Terra late Saturday.
LeAnn this whole time has been very lethargic and uncaring about what she needs to do to get better. I truly think that LeAnn has had enough of this mess for 7 years. So she looks worse than Terra but her stats have been better than Terra's. UNTIL late Saturday night. LeAnn took her turn to drop quickly. She never got to an 81 her lowest was 83. It was so frustrating. We went through everything EXCEPT the falling out of bed, with LeAnn, same as we did on Terra. Keep in mind LeAnn started 24 hours after Terra.
So now at 11pm on Saturday, I have both girls asleep. Their stat has dropped a little cause they are in deep sleep but this is normal. Neither of them are on O2 right now. We need to keep it that way for 24 hours. Then we can recheck with a chest xray and talk about when we can get out here. Like every night we've been here...as soon as I was done with bed baths, teeth brushed, hair brushed, room cleaned, story read, prayers said by the girls....I prayed over my girls.
My hearts cry tonight is that they will maintain the 91 O2 stat. It's not 95 but we have come so far. SO I will take the 91. Praying that God will continue to heal with no more slips backwards. I want with all my heart to believe that we are on the up and up but when you've been back and forth for 10 days where Terra has a bad day, then LeAnn has bad day, and flip flop this whole time...you start to doubt. Not doubt God, but doubt or have a false hope that we are nearing the end of it all.
Where's is Michael? Poor guy started getting sick with flu like symptoms Wedcnesday. I had my flu shot in the VICU but Michael has not had his. LeAnn and Terra have been trying to get them since October, how ever you can not have the shot when you are sick, on steriods or antibiotics so...that has not happened since October. Michael is feeling alot better today. But he had to leave to go out of town for work this afternoon and will not be back till the early hours of Tuesday morning.
As many of you are doing, please keep prayin. I am tired of my girls not being able to have a normal life as other kids. I had NO issues like this when I was young and neither did Michael. Breathing should not be a concern for a 7 year old. We are scheduled to have alot of specialist looking at the girls throughout the summer as this year has been their worst. SO we are hoping we will get some answers and find things that will make this all better.
God Bless You All, we can not thank you enough for everything.
In Christ Arms
The Justice Family
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
25 Things about Candy
Something I did on facebook that a few of you wanted to read cause you had read about it. So here I copied it for ya. You people are funny. I had no idea I was so entertaining!!!
25 things about Candy
25 things about Candy
I have copied and pasted this. Here are the rules, as they have been passed on to me. If you are tagged in this note, you must write your own list of 25 random things about yourself (random facts, goals, habits, etc. about yourself,) (or 26, or 27 if you can't stop) then tag 25 (or less )of your friends in said list (include the person that tagged you in their note.) If I've tagged you - it means I would like to know more about you. Have fun!
1. Lets see if I can actually come up with 25 things about me that would even be remotely interesting to ANYONE
2. Down one I guess.....I'm naturally a red head. Strawberry Blonde
3. I was born and raised in Jacksonville, Florida..man I miss the beach. If Lynchburg had a body of water running through it even like the St. Johns River...I would be in heaven. I miss being on the water.
4. I have an older brother Chris, love him! We use to share the same initials. Christopher Michael (ANOTHER STINKIN MICHAEL) Green and Candace Marie Green. Yes my name was Candy Green. HA HA HA I think the name Michael should be banned from ever being used for maybe at least 90 years or so
5. Though I LOVED and thrived off of the sport of cheerleading I wish I would have ran track or done swim team in addition. Which would have given me more discipline for staying in shape NOW...at this point I'm 31. Not likely to workout now days by "cheering"
6. I have two beautiful twin daughters...and their middle names rhyme...not their first names. Terra Renee and LeAnn McKay. Terra is named after my best cousin Terra, her middle name actually is cause of a old friend Renee Mangham. Never told her that. Just reconnected with her on facebook so...Renee my daughters middle name was chosen because I always loved your name!!! You were also always a great person when I cheered and even my senior year when I didn't cheer. Not many were like that! LeAnn McKay just came from a book. I liked those names.
7. Man I'm only on 7.....I got married on September 11th in 1999. It was a funny date when we got married. But not so funny anymore. The date scares me to death. Especially since I had JUST brought twin girls into the world on September 4, 2001...then 6 short days later 9/11 happened. All I could do was stare at these two girls weighing less that 5 pounds and wondering what kind of world I just brought them into.
8. What I consider my greatest accomplishment aside from my girls and marriage...the year of One Heart Beat at HHS here in Lynchburg. That year I really stretched my talents in cheerleading. Did the choreography, Music and all....ALONE The program went from being no threat to any other school, to being one of the best in town and now none existent.
9. Second would be starting the wonderful program of Cheer Xtreme All-stars here in town. I'm not apart of it anymore, but my heart is there and I consider it a success because it is still going. I could have made a bad decision and stayed and risked killing it all. I knew the night I left that with no doubt I left it in good hands. I am proud of Tim and Amber and what they have made of it.
10. I am a member of the choir at Hyland Heights Baptist church. I love being invovled. I can't wait to get better and return! I'm the choir brat!!!!
11. I had my nose broken in a National Cheer Competition in high school. Angel Crawford, whom I also recently reconnected with on facebook, was SO excited about our performance that she was jumping like a chicken and elbowed me from the left side. When I'm at my thinnest...you can really see how my nose still curves!!!
12. I LOVE to cook. Love it! I have been taught by the greatest. My granny, and my two favorite aunts, Aunt Cindy and Aunt Millie. Just ask anyone that's had one of my steak dinners!!!! Ed Parker will testify!
13. Good heavens...this is hard....I got a puppy as my wedding present. Michael got him while I was at home preparing for the wedding and seeing my granny through heart surgery. So he went ahead and named him. He called him Dusty cause of his coat color. I then added the name Alan after my high school sweet heart Dustin Alan Baine. In no way was Dusty a dog...he was a gentleman. But it just flowed. I recently reconnected with Dusty too. Facebook as been a great source of reconnecting....Dusty (the dog) died a little over a year ago. I miss him. But God gave me Scooter Winston a pie-bold dashund who is his mommy's lil man.
14. I LOVE accounting. It's money how could you not love it!!!!
15. I love to remodel homes. Like paint and garden. No IDEA where that came from. No one else in my family does this.
16. I love action, chick flicks and scary movies. When the movies are REALLY scary I will laugh at the scariest parts. No idea why. I just do.
17. Italian and Mexican are foods that I MUST have once a week!!!!
18. I am OCD MAJOR. Everything has its place and it MUST be in it. I put my dishes away in a color pattern. Same with towels, clothes...everything. All foods in cabinets must be facing forward and in like foods. I fold my underwear and even the girls underwear. Anyone that knows how small a 30 pound girls underwear are will see the silliness in this.
19. I've been committed for clinical depression 3 times so far...I had a doctor in the ER VERY surprised by that cause I'm a devoted Christian. I'm Christian but I'm NOT perfect. That's a sad one...sorry I just think its funny how people gasp when you tell them that your a Christian and are in therapy and have been committed. God is still working on me...
20. My daughters have nick names LeAnn is tid-bit, she is SO tiny...Just air. Terra is pee-wee. No idea where the names came from just, something I started calling them.
21. I love bread over something sweet!!
22. My love language is gifts
23. I truly think I married the best man! He is SO patient with my...ways. Loving, ah-maz-ing Father, lover and friend. He is my everything. He has made me a better person.
24. Two more....um, lets see...my most spiritual and heart felt moment was being in the room as my granny passed on to her eternal home. Words can not describe this experience. Normally I would stay as far away as possible. Funeral homes, even caskets just freak me out. But I had no ill feelings being there by her bed side as she passed. Being in the hospice center for 8 days you truly get the idea of just how different those who know that they are Heaven Bound and those who are not...their passings are so different. Some would scream and cry the whole time and those "at peace" layed still in God's arms till their final breath.
25. My lil dashund can beat up our blood hound/lab...which is what he is doing right this moment....
1. Lets see if I can actually come up with 25 things about me that would even be remotely interesting to ANYONE
2. Down one I guess.....I'm naturally a red head. Strawberry Blonde
3. I was born and raised in Jacksonville, Florida..man I miss the beach. If Lynchburg had a body of water running through it even like the St. Johns River...I would be in heaven. I miss being on the water.
4. I have an older brother Chris, love him! We use to share the same initials. Christopher Michael (ANOTHER STINKIN MICHAEL) Green and Candace Marie Green. Yes my name was Candy Green. HA HA HA I think the name Michael should be banned from ever being used for maybe at least 90 years or so
5. Though I LOVED and thrived off of the sport of cheerleading I wish I would have ran track or done swim team in addition. Which would have given me more discipline for staying in shape NOW...at this point I'm 31. Not likely to workout now days by "cheering"
6. I have two beautiful twin daughters...and their middle names rhyme...not their first names. Terra Renee and LeAnn McKay. Terra is named after my best cousin Terra, her middle name actually is cause of a old friend Renee Mangham. Never told her that. Just reconnected with her on facebook so...Renee my daughters middle name was chosen because I always loved your name!!! You were also always a great person when I cheered and even my senior year when I didn't cheer. Not many were like that! LeAnn McKay just came from a book. I liked those names.
7. Man I'm only on 7.....I got married on September 11th in 1999. It was a funny date when we got married. But not so funny anymore. The date scares me to death. Especially since I had JUST brought twin girls into the world on September 4, 2001...then 6 short days later 9/11 happened. All I could do was stare at these two girls weighing less that 5 pounds and wondering what kind of world I just brought them into.
8. What I consider my greatest accomplishment aside from my girls and marriage...the year of One Heart Beat at HHS here in Lynchburg. That year I really stretched my talents in cheerleading. Did the choreography, Music and all....ALONE The program went from being no threat to any other school, to being one of the best in town and now none existent.
9. Second would be starting the wonderful program of Cheer Xtreme All-stars here in town. I'm not apart of it anymore, but my heart is there and I consider it a success because it is still going. I could have made a bad decision and stayed and risked killing it all. I knew the night I left that with no doubt I left it in good hands. I am proud of Tim and Amber and what they have made of it.
10. I am a member of the choir at Hyland Heights Baptist church. I love being invovled. I can't wait to get better and return! I'm the choir brat!!!!
11. I had my nose broken in a National Cheer Competition in high school. Angel Crawford, whom I also recently reconnected with on facebook, was SO excited about our performance that she was jumping like a chicken and elbowed me from the left side. When I'm at my thinnest...you can really see how my nose still curves!!!
12. I LOVE to cook. Love it! I have been taught by the greatest. My granny, and my two favorite aunts, Aunt Cindy and Aunt Millie. Just ask anyone that's had one of my steak dinners!!!! Ed Parker will testify!
13. Good heavens...this is hard....I got a puppy as my wedding present. Michael got him while I was at home preparing for the wedding and seeing my granny through heart surgery. So he went ahead and named him. He called him Dusty cause of his coat color. I then added the name Alan after my high school sweet heart Dustin Alan Baine. In no way was Dusty a dog...he was a gentleman. But it just flowed. I recently reconnected with Dusty too. Facebook as been a great source of reconnecting....Dusty (the dog) died a little over a year ago. I miss him. But God gave me Scooter Winston a pie-bold dashund who is his mommy's lil man.
14. I LOVE accounting. It's money how could you not love it!!!!
15. I love to remodel homes. Like paint and garden. No IDEA where that came from. No one else in my family does this.
16. I love action, chick flicks and scary movies. When the movies are REALLY scary I will laugh at the scariest parts. No idea why. I just do.
17. Italian and Mexican are foods that I MUST have once a week!!!!
18. I am OCD MAJOR. Everything has its place and it MUST be in it. I put my dishes away in a color pattern. Same with towels, clothes...everything. All foods in cabinets must be facing forward and in like foods. I fold my underwear and even the girls underwear. Anyone that knows how small a 30 pound girls underwear are will see the silliness in this.
19. I've been committed for clinical depression 3 times so far...I had a doctor in the ER VERY surprised by that cause I'm a devoted Christian. I'm Christian but I'm NOT perfect. That's a sad one...sorry I just think its funny how people gasp when you tell them that your a Christian and are in therapy and have been committed. God is still working on me...
20. My daughters have nick names LeAnn is tid-bit, she is SO tiny...Just air. Terra is pee-wee. No idea where the names came from just, something I started calling them.
21. I love bread over something sweet!!
22. My love language is gifts
23. I truly think I married the best man! He is SO patient with my...ways. Loving, ah-maz-ing Father, lover and friend. He is my everything. He has made me a better person.
24. Two more....um, lets see...my most spiritual and heart felt moment was being in the room as my granny passed on to her eternal home. Words can not describe this experience. Normally I would stay as far away as possible. Funeral homes, even caskets just freak me out. But I had no ill feelings being there by her bed side as she passed. Being in the hospice center for 8 days you truly get the idea of just how different those who know that they are Heaven Bound and those who are not...their passings are so different. Some would scream and cry the whole time and those "at peace" layed still in God's arms till their final breath.
25. My lil dashund can beat up our blood hound/lab...which is what he is doing right this moment....
Long time no see
So ok, it's been a while. So sorry. Some of you are very diligent at making sure I don't go too long without a post. I really am appreciative of the concern you all have for our family during these difficult months here. A few weeks ago I thought I had broke the cycle and things were going to be better from here on out but then I had those two Friday's back to back with ambulance rides to the trauma center. Last Friday I managed to stay home, though too sick to have a Japanese food and movie night with the girls, but never had to go to the ER. I'm hoping this Friday will be another pass on these field trips.
I am having some good days and for these I am thankful. I still have issues with all these drugs and of course with every slip Dr. Judd changes the chemistry of the meds again and I have to go through all the adjusting. I had to have a talk with Dr. Judd after my last ER visit. I really just went to my regular physician and upon being unable to get my blood pressure and unable to do an EKG...add to this my heart rate was 144...the doctor called the ambulance to come get me. He was sure I was about to have a heart attack. The question that bothered me was they kept asking if I took street drugs. I gave this look like, your kidding right. They weren't. This ER visit was very entertaining...When I was first wheeled into the hall way there was this lady sittin on a bed that had a knife sticking out of her legs. That was freaky. Then I was in my little hole in the wall and still trying to handle the pain. The only meds the nurses are clear to give you in the ER without a doctors order is morphine...well I'm allergic to morphine. So guess what, I have to suffer till the doctor gets around to me. But as I lay in pain being as patient as possible...humming to myself and rocking back and forth.....this loud lady gets brought in to the room next to me. Actually our room connected so I could hear everything. The girls was from Charlotte, NC. Don't know why she was here, but she claimed over and over that she only had two glasses of red wine. It was only 3pm in the afternoon??? She apparently flipped her car in Bonsboro. If she said "I'm sorry" one more time I was going to pay a visit. She had a young nice looking cop at her side and apparently handcuffed to the bed. She refused to give blood.
She claimed to have no one to call but she did have an attorney she wanted to call before having any test of anything done. See that's backwards to me. I have plenty of people to call...no attorney though. She was still failing the breath test even after being there for almost 2 hours. She must have had WAY more than two glasses of wine. Anyway she kept Michael and I entertained.
The part I'm not liking about all this mental health stuff is every time I now go in and am sick...and in pain...if they can't find anything in my blood, urine, Ct scans, sonograms, xrays or whatever else they do...they tell me it's in my head. I don't think so. What do they think I enjoy these $600 rides across town every week? Seriously. My bed is much more comfortable. Not to mention I have two little girls that will brush my hair for hours on end. When they get tired, a little thing called...payment will keep them going. Anyway.
But that was the latest visit. The girls got their report cards the other days. I looked for the days missed. LeAnn missed 17 days this past nine weeks. Terra missed 11 days this past nine weeks. Mrs. Brown has been great though. I get their work done at home so...they do not get behind. I thought we would be getting better. We did the flu and pneumonia shots. Guess that didn't work. I feel so bad for these girls. I never had to worry about breathing when I was little. I could run, ride my bike do whatever I wanted and was never out of breath. We've been on preventatives since the Thanksgiving being spent in the hospital, and yet its not working. I don't know what else to do for them.
We had to get a new neb machine the other day. They have new ones out now that are shaped like animals. The girls picked this one that is a gator head!!! They picked it out all by themselves. How bought that! It's cute. They could have had a penguin, dog, bear but no they got the gator! It's cute. We also got a battery operated one. It is tiny. It can fit in my purse. This is great for us. We were in Roanoke at Build a Bear the Saturday after Christmas. The girls were doing fine and in a matter of minutes LeAnn could not breath. We used the converter in the van to plug into. But the converter burnt out. So we pulled over and I had to give one in the Target bathroom. Not the best places to be doing breathing treatments. But this battery operated will work when we're traveling or just out and about and can't find a outlet. It's just as fast as the wall unit too. We were excited about it!
Two more things that have been a blessing. My sister in Law had her baby girls Ilana Jordan Justice. I held her Sunday for 3 hours straight. I so wish I could have another baby. She is precious.
Second, my cousin Terra, whom Terra is named after, had her baby boy Tucker. He is still at the hospital. They live in Texas. She came out not breathing and purple. The doctors think her due date was off. So rather than him coming 4 weeks early, he was 9 weeks early. He has jaundice. He did have the tub come out from his throat and seems to be holding his own now. Terra and Stuart got to hold him for the first time a few days ago. He is expected to be in the NICU for another week and a half. Please pray that he will continue to improve and come home soon.
Well I don't know what else to say really. I know that many of you have been calling and I never answer the phone. I hate the phone. I really do. I'm sorry. I appreciate all the calls, cards, emails, dinner, prayers, visits and help. This has all been going on since September and you all have not missed a beat. I will try to update more. With us not getting to church due to my illness and then the girls going up and down with their health, I know it's hard for everyone to know how we are doing. I miss you all so much.
Many have been asking if I could give a specific prayer to pray. Like I said I am having some good days. Which I'm enjoying. If you all could just pray for motivation. Sometimes if I could just get past the lack of will, I might actually have more better days. Mornings are my toughest times. Generally speaking though I am up most days between 3-9pm. Not much but this is better than not getting up at all. So progress is being made.
Well I guess that's about it for me. Thanks again to everyone.
I am having some good days and for these I am thankful. I still have issues with all these drugs and of course with every slip Dr. Judd changes the chemistry of the meds again and I have to go through all the adjusting. I had to have a talk with Dr. Judd after my last ER visit. I really just went to my regular physician and upon being unable to get my blood pressure and unable to do an EKG...add to this my heart rate was 144...the doctor called the ambulance to come get me. He was sure I was about to have a heart attack. The question that bothered me was they kept asking if I took street drugs. I gave this look like, your kidding right. They weren't. This ER visit was very entertaining...When I was first wheeled into the hall way there was this lady sittin on a bed that had a knife sticking out of her legs. That was freaky. Then I was in my little hole in the wall and still trying to handle the pain. The only meds the nurses are clear to give you in the ER without a doctors order is morphine...well I'm allergic to morphine. So guess what, I have to suffer till the doctor gets around to me. But as I lay in pain being as patient as possible...humming to myself and rocking back and forth.....this loud lady gets brought in to the room next to me. Actually our room connected so I could hear everything. The girls was from Charlotte, NC. Don't know why she was here, but she claimed over and over that she only had two glasses of red wine. It was only 3pm in the afternoon??? She apparently flipped her car in Bonsboro. If she said "I'm sorry" one more time I was going to pay a visit. She had a young nice looking cop at her side and apparently handcuffed to the bed. She refused to give blood.
She claimed to have no one to call but she did have an attorney she wanted to call before having any test of anything done. See that's backwards to me. I have plenty of people to call...no attorney though. She was still failing the breath test even after being there for almost 2 hours. She must have had WAY more than two glasses of wine. Anyway she kept Michael and I entertained.
The part I'm not liking about all this mental health stuff is every time I now go in and am sick...and in pain...if they can't find anything in my blood, urine, Ct scans, sonograms, xrays or whatever else they do...they tell me it's in my head. I don't think so. What do they think I enjoy these $600 rides across town every week? Seriously. My bed is much more comfortable. Not to mention I have two little girls that will brush my hair for hours on end. When they get tired, a little thing called...payment will keep them going. Anyway.
But that was the latest visit. The girls got their report cards the other days. I looked for the days missed. LeAnn missed 17 days this past nine weeks. Terra missed 11 days this past nine weeks. Mrs. Brown has been great though. I get their work done at home so...they do not get behind. I thought we would be getting better. We did the flu and pneumonia shots. Guess that didn't work. I feel so bad for these girls. I never had to worry about breathing when I was little. I could run, ride my bike do whatever I wanted and was never out of breath. We've been on preventatives since the Thanksgiving being spent in the hospital, and yet its not working. I don't know what else to do for them.
We had to get a new neb machine the other day. They have new ones out now that are shaped like animals. The girls picked this one that is a gator head!!! They picked it out all by themselves. How bought that! It's cute. They could have had a penguin, dog, bear but no they got the gator! It's cute. We also got a battery operated one. It is tiny. It can fit in my purse. This is great for us. We were in Roanoke at Build a Bear the Saturday after Christmas. The girls were doing fine and in a matter of minutes LeAnn could not breath. We used the converter in the van to plug into. But the converter burnt out. So we pulled over and I had to give one in the Target bathroom. Not the best places to be doing breathing treatments. But this battery operated will work when we're traveling or just out and about and can't find a outlet. It's just as fast as the wall unit too. We were excited about it!
Two more things that have been a blessing. My sister in Law had her baby girls Ilana Jordan Justice. I held her Sunday for 3 hours straight. I so wish I could have another baby. She is precious.
Second, my cousin Terra, whom Terra is named after, had her baby boy Tucker. He is still at the hospital. They live in Texas. She came out not breathing and purple. The doctors think her due date was off. So rather than him coming 4 weeks early, he was 9 weeks early. He has jaundice. He did have the tub come out from his throat and seems to be holding his own now. Terra and Stuart got to hold him for the first time a few days ago. He is expected to be in the NICU for another week and a half. Please pray that he will continue to improve and come home soon.
Well I don't know what else to say really. I know that many of you have been calling and I never answer the phone. I hate the phone. I really do. I'm sorry. I appreciate all the calls, cards, emails, dinner, prayers, visits and help. This has all been going on since September and you all have not missed a beat. I will try to update more. With us not getting to church due to my illness and then the girls going up and down with their health, I know it's hard for everyone to know how we are doing. I miss you all so much.
Many have been asking if I could give a specific prayer to pray. Like I said I am having some good days. Which I'm enjoying. If you all could just pray for motivation. Sometimes if I could just get past the lack of will, I might actually have more better days. Mornings are my toughest times. Generally speaking though I am up most days between 3-9pm. Not much but this is better than not getting up at all. So progress is being made.
Well I guess that's about it for me. Thanks again to everyone.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Two front teeth missing among the rest of the madness
LeAnn searched for her two front teeth this Christmas but they never showed. She is TOO STINKIN CUTE with her front teeth missing and makes her adorable word sounds even better!
My pride and joy....it IS center in the peek of the roof but I was sitting off to the side...in it's rotating tree stand, this 9 foot tree is hard to not stare at!
LeAnn and Terra in their Christmas Eve PGS
Like every other family this year, Santa brought us a WII....LeAnn skiing!
Terra dodging the panda bears and shoes while playing soccer. The shoes and pandas are hilarious
The MASTER of the house. Scooter Winston
Rockford Sebastian...he is still a ball of laughs. Has no brain I'm sure.
A little special gift from Bree for Christmas. I love you Bree!!! She picked something my girls DON'T HAVE and something that they would enjoy DOING and not just something else to throw in their room...paint your own music box and plate, bowl and cup set!!!! Best gift of the year!!!
Here are the finished products!
They really got into it!! Left Bree to finish baking the cookies. Which...don't tell her I told you but she burnt these.....LOL Lots of love Bree!!!
Terra painting
LeAnn paintingOk, where have I been? That's a loaded question. I've been here and there and everywhere.
Why has my blog been untouched for almost two months...um, being online has NOT been a top priority. Keeping the lungs flowing with air and the heart full of hope has been all I can handle. And sometimes not even that!
How was Thanksgiving? Iv fluids for LeAnn and I both while she was on one floor of Virginia Baptist and I was on the other. I feel like there was NO Thanksgiving. Still haven't gotten a good turkey dinner.
I don't know what to say and not say. Everyone knows that I was diagnosed with clinical depression a few months back. That was being held between a small circle of people but I think was let slipped just cause things were getting too hard to keep covered. Especially when you so badly need the list of help from whom ever we could get it from. Thank you thank you thank you to the many of have brought us dinner the past few weeks. Words can not express how much it meant and helped.
Well as you wait for medicine to kick in with depression there are ups and downs and further downs and less ups and well...it's never ending roller coaster with too many drops and not near enough or large enough climbs upward.
Let me give you a few lessons I've learned.
Never ever OD on ANY MEDS! Never Never Never. I don't know how people that achieve success with this because it scared the day lights out of me. We will stick with the story that it was a accidental OD. Boy your heart starts racing, I couldn't form words to save my life. I really thought...this is it. This stupid mistake is going to be what kills me. I made sure all was cleared between the Lord and I just in case. The worst part of this is not the scary part of realizing you did WAY too much. It's when you get to the Trauma Unit and the nurse walks in with about 8oz of CHARCOAL!!! NO LIE. CHARCOAL. SICK SICK SICK. There are no words to describe to you what drinking liquid CHARCOAL to help absorb the drugs...........GAG
Second, the VICU at Virginia Baptist is newly remodel and never has more than two people in it. I was there two weekends in a row and 90% of the time I was THE ONLY PERSON in the unit. Gee what would these nurses do if I didn't get myself there? I've left them bored to tears for a few weekends...maybe I should go visit or something.
Being committed is not all that bad. It's scary though. You have people that are there on a court order and are picked up by the police to then go serve their time in jail. These girls...well they were girls in my case...get together just like the jail house stories and will come take whatever THEY WANT off your meal trays and you may have been stupid enough to get committed but your not or I'm NOT stupid enough to keep my lovely hospital food badly enough to fight for it. Heaven forbid. I can stand to miss a few meals anyway.
When you can't think straight...people play hiding games with you. LeAnn was in the hospital for a few days and NO ONE TOLD ME till I was discharged. Cause I would notice one little girl missing. Dianne, Ed, hubby, nurses on VICU...I don't blame you for not telling me and am glad things went down the way they did. Dianne was funny...she showed up twice in one day I think and said...."she was called back into work." I'm pretty sure...she was going to re leave Michael for a little bit.
This is funny. If you can't take a joke...you might want to skip this paragraph.
I was having major upper abdominal pains. Unbearable. No lie. I ended up in another trauma care center. Blood test, a bunch of test and everything was normal. I assured the nurse SOMETHING is NOT normal. SOMETHING is causing this pain. She decided to do a X-ray. Man she came in a few moments later. "Mrs. Justice, no wonder your having pain. You are full to the rim". Basically she was telling me "I was full of crap". No seriously, I was full of it. She showed me on the x-ray. Lordly. I'm the ONLY person in my family that is not regular. My brother eats and then does a drop of the kids at the pool. If you know what I mean. Might be why he weighs half of what I do. Anyway. She gave me a shopping list and sent me on my way. If you ever find you are truly full of it...the depository will NOT work. Didn't for me. I did three. The milk of magnesia will NOT work. I had half the bottle, did nothing. The stool softener will NOT work. No, none of these but if you drink a full bottle of Magnesium citrate....lordy, you will be cleaned as if you never ate or passed anything in your life. I mean..I lost 4.5 pounds and THAT IS NOT A LIE!!!!
I know I'm rattling off like this is all nothing. Please don't preach to me. I know this is all very serious. I'm no where near being through this. Still taking it hour by hour actually. But God is peeking through a little bit. I know He's there. I have had a few good days and I'm learning to treasure them and hope for more. God and I have a long road ahead but together we will make it. I am not taking classes next semester, I of course dropped out this semester in the seventh week. Then I will hopefully be prepared for summer with the girls. Then hope to return to school in the Fall of 2009. That's the best I can do and I'm learning that, that's ok. Taking time to heal and take care of your self, is important enough to stop for.
I almost forgot...if you did not get a Christmas card from us..there is a reason. I used the stamps I had to mail some. I was able to get the ones to the church thanks to good friends that took care of them for me. But over half of the cards sat on the kitchen table waiting for my wonderful hubby to have a chance to go get me some more stamps. Well, that never happened. So Christmas day, I threw them away. Michael said I should have sent them anyway, but I just couldn't bring myself to send Christmas cards after Christmas. Just know that you all were thought of. And I DID take the time to do cards this year just...I'm not at liberty to drive when ever I have somewhere to go so...am having to lean on Michael.
Which I AM married to THE BEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD. He has been mom, dad, provider, taxi, grocery shopper, baby sitter, cook, maid, hair holder for throw uppers, booty wipers for....o no...not that one anymore. Sorry I was on a roll. I love my wonderful husband. He is so patient, and understanding and supportive. My cup runieth over!
Well I cherish your never ending prayers, cards, emails, calls (even though I NEVER answer the phone...I TRULY HATE THE PHONE), but I know who has called, those who have stopped by, taken my girls places, visited the hospital, meals on and on....THANK YOU ALL. Please keep praying.
May God richly bless you all in return.
Trying to Break Free
Candy Justice
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Let me try to catch you up...
Yes I'm aware it's been a long long time. Alot going on...sorry.
Let me give the low down on the things I've received questions about the most...
Michael's grandfather...he has not had much change in his favor. He has been in and out of the hospital and change nursing homes twice. Last I heard they didn't expect him to make it to Thanksgiving. So please just pray for the family as they prepare for this loss. Sadly, Michael does not have a real close relationship with his grandpa. Which is odd for me cause my granny was my world. But for Michael's dad and his sisters it will be a difficult loss.
My health. I really do not want to get into the inns and outs about all that. The vertigo is calmed down and I think under control for the most part. Which is good. The depression is still a major problem and will be some time before I can say I'm back in the light. Keep praying. I've ran out of books to read...will start a puzzle soon. But for now I'm creating a recipe book. I want to put all my favorite recipes in one book. I try to keep myself busy around the house. Driving is still limited with certain things that I still have going on but I do get out once or twice a week.
This being said the pictures below kinda help you get the idea of the rest of our happenings. I'm not quite in the talkative mood as I usually am. Some will enjoy that and I know some of you enjoy my silliness but this will have to do.
When we get bored around the house...these kinda things happen. LeAnn and Terra make up their own little games. No idea what this was..under cover search????
Here's Terra. Silly Silly Girls.
LeAnn won the Raffle at school (THANKS TO ALL WHO BOUGHT A CHANCE OR MANY FOR BOTH GIRLS!) The two winners won dinner with the Varsity football team at BHS, a signed t-shirt from the team, a picture with the team, tickets to the last home game and recognized at the game. My girls were SO excited about this raffle. An AWESOME fundraiser for schools. Better than having to sell wrapping paper or something. Well LeAnn was one of the winners. Here she is with the other girl that won with the team.
LeAnn partnered up with number 6 cause he comes to the Elementary school and reads to LeAnn and her class. He is actually her book buddy. Another great way to get the athletes at the high school to invest in the community!
LeAnn sat and ate her dinner. She could not believe how much food they got fed. Some boys ate and ate. She also took in the conversation. We learned who "should" ask who to the prom. Which girl is saying "she likes so and so". And which player was having to underwear problems and need his mother to bring a different pair at the field house. LeAnn held onto that piece of information. That was the first thing she shared with sissy and daddy. "One boy had issues with his underwear?!"
We got out of order here but Scooter reaps alot of extras when the girts are playing around the house.
He just takes it, gives in and fell asleep! He's a good brother!
Back to the game. Now my returning to the Friday night lights...I would have chosen a different game. But it was HHS vs BHS.
(FYI I use to coach football and competition cheer at HHS...)
A picture of the game in process.
The girls were all ready for the cold weather. It was threatening to POUR down rain but it held off to half time which was when LeAnn said "Time to go, don't want to mess up my hair!" Such a girl!
We had dinner at the Weenie Stand before the game!
After I got Terra from school I rushed her over to have a quick picture with #6, the one that reads to their class.
More game pics
The players gave LeAnn a basket of candy and she shares with sissy!
LeAnn had SO much fun!!!!
Getting close to half time. LeAnn and mommy!
Terra and daddy....not sure why she was hitting daddy's cheeks.
Back at home...Rockford and his weird sleeping habits we've talked about alot...but this one was priceless.
Look how LONG he's getting...growing up but not getting much smarter.
Last years favorite Christmas gifts. The Birds that talk, repeat, fart, burp....here the girls are letting Rock and Scooter get a taste of the birds saying the dogs names!!!! Rockford was SO confused.
Back to the game...with in the cheer squad were a few girls I coach at Cheer Xtreme when they were IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. I felt REALLY OLD. Brittany Adkins and Ashley Cox seniors...congrats girls...on senior night. Nicole Walton and Olivia Coles...great to see you again. And Jordan Curry, on JV but walking around selling programs...what a beautiful young lady you have grown into.
I have no idea who this is. The only reason I took it was cause it's a long leg flier. MY FAVORITE fliers of all time. The long legs in the air....LOVE IT. Made me miss my Kristian Witt ALOT. She was my flyer that I could watch ALL DAY LONG. VERY LONG LEGS and could do whatever I asked her to. Your missed Witt.
For a dog who is truly as dumb as a door nail...He did graduate. Rockford Sebastian Justice at graduation!
A little shopping with dad before graduation
Aunt Millie and Terra I took this one for you two. The basset that was in the class graduation prior to Rockford.
Still waiting...seriously this is old now
And waiting.....again picture a little out of order...sorry
HALLOWEEN!!!
LeAnn and Terra.
LeAnn was a tiger
Terra was a Jaguar
Maybe we can get tickets to a Jacksonville Jags game and they can rewear these at least once more!
Holding our tails out
Back to school....sorry. Rockford LOVED his teacher Jamin! Given him kissing. Very cute guy gals but he has a BUNCH of animals at home. Seriously.....obviously single...But we loved Jamim!
The proud Father and his son..."If I only had a brian to go with the deploma!
How many pics with the hat?
Back to Halloween. Our usual trip with the Sexton family. Eating at Friday's before going Trick-Or-Treating.
Our waitress was a VT football player!!!!!
Daddy and his girls
The three girls!
And we're off......
Let me give the low down on the things I've received questions about the most...
Michael's grandfather...he has not had much change in his favor. He has been in and out of the hospital and change nursing homes twice. Last I heard they didn't expect him to make it to Thanksgiving. So please just pray for the family as they prepare for this loss. Sadly, Michael does not have a real close relationship with his grandpa. Which is odd for me cause my granny was my world. But for Michael's dad and his sisters it will be a difficult loss.
My health. I really do not want to get into the inns and outs about all that. The vertigo is calmed down and I think under control for the most part. Which is good. The depression is still a major problem and will be some time before I can say I'm back in the light. Keep praying. I've ran out of books to read...will start a puzzle soon. But for now I'm creating a recipe book. I want to put all my favorite recipes in one book. I try to keep myself busy around the house. Driving is still limited with certain things that I still have going on but I do get out once or twice a week.
This being said the pictures below kinda help you get the idea of the rest of our happenings. I'm not quite in the talkative mood as I usually am. Some will enjoy that and I know some of you enjoy my silliness but this will have to do.
When we get bored around the house...these kinda things happen. LeAnn and Terra make up their own little games. No idea what this was..under cover search???? 
Here's Terra. Silly Silly Girls.
LeAnn won the Raffle at school (THANKS TO ALL WHO BOUGHT A CHANCE OR MANY FOR BOTH GIRLS!) The two winners won dinner with the Varsity football team at BHS, a signed t-shirt from the team, a picture with the team, tickets to the last home game and recognized at the game. My girls were SO excited about this raffle. An AWESOME fundraiser for schools. Better than having to sell wrapping paper or something. Well LeAnn was one of the winners. Here she is with the other girl that won with the team. 
LeAnn partnered up with number 6 cause he comes to the Elementary school and reads to LeAnn and her class. He is actually her book buddy. Another great way to get the athletes at the high school to invest in the community!
LeAnn sat and ate her dinner. She could not believe how much food they got fed. Some boys ate and ate. She also took in the conversation. We learned who "should" ask who to the prom. Which girl is saying "she likes so and so". And which player was having to underwear problems and need his mother to bring a different pair at the field house. LeAnn held onto that piece of information. That was the first thing she shared with sissy and daddy. "One boy had issues with his underwear?!"
We got out of order here but Scooter reaps alot of extras when the girts are playing around the house.
He just takes it, gives in and fell asleep! He's a good brother!
Back to the game. Now my returning to the Friday night lights...I would have chosen a different game. But it was HHS vs BHS.
(FYI I use to coach football and competition cheer at HHS...)
A picture of the game in process.
The girls were all ready for the cold weather. It was threatening to POUR down rain but it held off to half time which was when LeAnn said "Time to go, don't want to mess up my hair!" Such a girl!
We had dinner at the Weenie Stand before the game!
After I got Terra from school I rushed her over to have a quick picture with #6, the one that reads to their class.
More game pics
The players gave LeAnn a basket of candy and she shares with sissy!
LeAnn had SO much fun!!!!
Getting close to half time. LeAnn and mommy! 
Terra and daddy....not sure why she was hitting daddy's cheeks.
Back at home...Rockford and his weird sleeping habits we've talked about alot...but this one was priceless.
Look how LONG he's getting...growing up but not getting much smarter.
Last years favorite Christmas gifts. The Birds that talk, repeat, fart, burp....here the girls are letting Rock and Scooter get a taste of the birds saying the dogs names!!!! Rockford was SO confused.
Back to the game...with in the cheer squad were a few girls I coach at Cheer Xtreme when they were IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. I felt REALLY OLD. Brittany Adkins and Ashley Cox seniors...congrats girls...on senior night. Nicole Walton and Olivia Coles...great to see you again. And Jordan Curry, on JV but walking around selling programs...what a beautiful young lady you have grown into.
I have no idea who this is. The only reason I took it was cause it's a long leg flier. MY FAVORITE fliers of all time. The long legs in the air....LOVE IT. Made me miss my Kristian Witt ALOT. She was my flyer that I could watch ALL DAY LONG. VERY LONG LEGS and could do whatever I asked her to. Your missed Witt.
For a dog who is truly as dumb as a door nail...He did graduate. Rockford Sebastian Justice at graduation!
A little shopping with dad before graduation
Aunt Millie and Terra I took this one for you two. The basset that was in the class graduation prior to Rockford.
Still waiting...seriously this is old now
And waiting.....again picture a little out of order...sorry
HALLOWEEN!!!LeAnn and Terra.
LeAnn was a tiger
Terra was a Jaguar
Maybe we can get tickets to a Jacksonville Jags game and they can rewear these at least once more!
Holding our tails out
Back to school....sorry. Rockford LOVED his teacher Jamin! Given him kissing. Very cute guy gals but he has a BUNCH of animals at home. Seriously.....obviously single...But we loved Jamim!
The proud Father and his son..."If I only had a brian to go with the deploma!
How many pics with the hat?
Back to Halloween. Our usual trip with the Sexton family. Eating at Friday's before going Trick-Or-Treating.
Our waitress was a VT football player!!!!!
Daddy and his girls
The three girls!
And we're off......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)