Hear Us From Heaven

9-11 a day that holds so many mixed feelings for me. On this day, 11 years ago today, I married my hubby Michael! A day that was filled with happiness! A few bumps in the schedule, but a great day! I think about that WHOLE day. From the silly gifts I scheduled to have delivered to Michael each hour leading up to the ceremony, held at a Embassy Suites. They were SO funny! I have the cards and description of the gifts in my memory book. I wish I could quickly get my hands on it to share more but I can't. Anyway, what a great day that left the two of us TOTALLY wiped out. We were so happy to be married and well, FREE adults. Meaning we were our own boss now. How silly that seems now, but I remember that being one of my thoughts as we left the Fraternal Order of Police reception hall on the south side of Jacksonville, Florida.

All that to say, we made it to the 11Th year. Talk about a bunch of bumps in the schedule. Not even 2 short years after being married, God decided to bless us with twin girls. Little bit of advice, if your on the pill, this DOES NOT MEAN you will NOT get pregnant. Case in point, I got pregnant with twins on the pill. Now to all those from high school that thought I was the crazy one to be scared to death of certain activities everyone else was partaking in...for once I WAS RIGHT!!! My luck would have it!!! So funny! God knew I was too hard headed for just guilt and shame to be enough of a lesson and consequence for me going against His rules! LOL

Michael and I learned quickly the reason for the SURPRISE of pregnancy. He and I were struggling in our marriage. We had our own jobs that we both loved and worked A LOT of long hours. Man to go back and KNOW what to do with the money when we had NO responsibilities and medical issues!!! Where was Dave Ramsey then? LOL Michael traveled to Roanoke for work we just weren't on the same road. But we were managing through.

Once I got pregnant, I began having a lot of complications. I had a pic-line placed early on, this is a feeding tube. I had home health nurses that would come to house, the whole nine yards. It was awful. Michael learned to hook me up for fluids twice a day. You want to learn to trust and love your spouse, be put in a place where you have to depend on him for everything, including him feeding you! I was in and out of the hospital so much, Dr. Gamble, NOW Dr. Kidd, decided best I just stay. Less paper work!!! So early on she kept me. I grew to LOVE Va Baptist and the Mother-Baby Unit.

September 4, 2001, I gave birth to twin girls. LeAnn McKay Justice 5.1 at 2:25pm and Terra Renee Justice 5.2 at 2:27pm. It's funny cause as soon as those girls were out of my tummy, I felt SO much better. Of course I had drugs, you kinda HAVE to with multiples cause of possible issues that could arrives. But thankfully the birth was the EASY part of the whole thing!!! Now 6 hours AFTER birth was painful but we made it through with the help of great drugs!

The days leading up to us leaving the hospital I stressed over having NEVER changed a diaper and getting the girls mixed up. Well I solved the last one easy, painted their toe nails BEFORE we left the hospital and decided to leave Terra's anklet on. The diaper thing, well I didn't change a diaper till the day we were leaving. I was SO tired, I hadn't slept in 30 weeks from being uncomfortable. So I took Dr. Kidd's (and every nurses) advice and left the girls in the nursery all night and well most of the time before we left.

But lets skip to just a short 7 days later. Michael, the girls and I were still asleep at 9am on September 11, 2001. When your doing feedings for two every 2 hours, feedings take 45 minutes...yea sleep was about the only other thing we could fit into the schedule. The phone rang, a family member telling us of the first plane to hit the TWIN (did you get that...twin) towers. I turned on the TV and watched in horror for, not just the day, but months. I was consumed. But I normally get consumed with such things. Like the Columbine School shooting, Princess Diana's death, just to name a few.

I was speechless. Michael had to go to work that afternoon and I DID NOT want him to go. I was scared. I would stare at the girls sleeping, which is all they did, aside from eating and filling diapers, and I couldn't help but think "what have a brought these two little ones into? How could I have brought two children into a world like this?" I then became consumed with the stories of the babies that were born that day. Not just all of them, but especially consumed with the babies born where their fathers were killed on that day. On THEIR birthday! The magazine article and cover that I read over and over, was put out by People Magazine about 6 months after the tradegy of 9-11. It had those mothers, with their babies in arms, on the cover. There were 2 sets of twins born among that group.

I titled today's post Hear Us From Heaven, cause I can not listen to that song without thinking about 9-11. It was mind blowing how I just managed to pick that certain Calling Levi CD when I got to the gym Friday to work out. I just swirl my thumb over the i-pod and whatever CD it lands on, I listen to that one or one next to it. It landed on Calling Levi Glimpse of Heaven on Friday. Read these words of this powerful song...

Hear Us From Heaven

Lord Hear our Cry
Come Heal our Land
Breathe life into these dry and thirsty souls

Lord Hear our Prayer
Forgive our Sins
As we call on Your name
Would You make this a place
For Your glory to dwell

Open the blind eyes
Unlock the deaf ear
Come to Your people
As we draw near
Hear us from heaven
Touch our generation
We are Your people
Crying out in desperation

Hear us from heaven
Hear us from heaven
Hear us from heaven

2 Chronicles 7:14 If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and will heal their land

Yes SIN was the cause of 9-11, NOT God. Could He have stopped it from happening? YES! However, like many other things, God allows us to go through many a valley, to chasing us and draw us to Him. God is the reward in life, even in difficult circumstances. The sad part is, many call on God ONLY when their in trouble. O the blessings you are missing. The opportunities for God to show you He DOES answer prayer. Many treat Him like Santa Clause. Please just let me pass this test. Dear God, please let me make that green light. Lord, please let my team win the game. God, please heal me of this sickness.

I wonder in all of 9-11, how many heard the gospel for the first time at a funeral, memorial or whatever? How many survivors lived to truly turn their lives over to Christ and are now being used to share God's love and grace with others? How many who were already Christians but were effected and are changing lives by sharing how Christ helped them get through the grief, pain of being healed of severe burning (like so many suffered), and other effects?

Without a doubt, 9-11-01 was probably (hopefully) the worst thing any of us will ever see or experience. I can't help but think while I read those words "hear us from heaven", knowing that God DID hear us! He heard our cries! God's word says that God works EVERYTHING together for good. Have you thought, we personally might not know HOW or in what ways God brought good out of that day, but knowing that HE promises He will...I KNOW He did! Lets choose to think about this side of things!

Remember in the rubble of the twin towers, the metal that was in the shape of a cross? My God is more powerful than any human that tries to destroy His children, without first going through God Himself!

I'm doing my 9Th Beth Moore bible study right now, The Patriarchs. Last weeks homework ended with us writing our most difficult questions to God on this picture of books. There are many...examples

*Why does a child ever have to suffer abuse, cancer, death...?
*Why does God not have the mercy to allow one to come to know Him and accept Him as Lord, before he dies?
*Why is ONLY hind sight 20/20? (That was one of mine)

The blank books were standing between two bookends. One book end was God's Sovereignty the other was God's Unfailing Love. What would your difficult question be?

Psalm 21:7 For the king trust in the Lord; through the unfailing love of the Most High HE WILL NOT BE SHAKEN (The bold print is mine)

God's love is unfailing. His sovereignty can terrify us only to the extent that we are uncertain of His love for us. WOW!

Candy Justice

Saturday, March 27th

I am beside myself. I have been in Florida since March 8th. WOW that is a LONG time ago. Holy cow!!! I have not been to the beach, the landing or water front since I've been here. I am VERY disappointed in myself. The Mayo clinic is just blocks from the beach as well. I would have loved to be down at at the landing for the concert in honor for the lil girls Somer that was killed. Such a sad story. For my non Jacksonville friends. The Landing is one of my favorite places in Jacksonville. It's basically a mall with glass windows, sits in downtown Jacksonville, on the water. Very nice. Alot of concerts and such are held there. BEST PLACE IN TOWN FOR NEW YEARS EVE!!!!! YUCK...not feeling so good all of a sudden. Probably did too much today. Had to get things I would need after my surgery. Bandages, pjs that wont touch my stomach and blah blah blah. Now I have to get everything washed and sorted. I will be flying back home but unable to handle much baggage...with the recent surgery. I'm not convienced this mailing is going to be cheaper than checking a $35 bag....Any imput would be appreciated here. I could borrow a large luggage bag and just check it or I can stick with my plan to package everything I can do without this last week in a box and mail it home. Leaving me with very little to handle in the airport. Do I do one big box and several smaller ones??? HELP. I feel REALLY sick to my stomach right now. What in the world???? Anyway...any advice on the baggage/mailing would be great. That's about all I got for right now.....I need to take some deep breaths. Please keep praying. I was really hoping to be home before Easter Sunday, but as I said already....not likely. But hopefully no more than 9-10 days left till I see my girls and my hubby!!!

Love you all and please keep praying.

Leaning on my Lion of Judah,
Candy

PS Living Cross is going on, I'm praying for you all!!!

Friday, March 26th

I know I know, I got behind here on blogging. It's been a rough week with out my anxiety and depression meds. Alot of sleeping thru the week is about all thats been going on. Today, some news and scheduling. My second Lupus test (cause the first was inclusive) came back positive. I am not in a severe state and meds will be able to minimize syptoms. In light of this a surgery they have been talking about doing will be done at Mayo on Monday, March 29th at 6pm. Yes 6pm. Odd time of day but whatever. It's a 90 minute surgery. They are removing my ovaries, apendix and a small portion of my intestinal tubing. I will be placed on hormone therapy and back on my seroquel. In hopes that these will be the only meds I will need. In addition of course to the lupus meds. After surgery I will be monitored here for a while, before being released to come home. I have hopes of being home by Easter but I'm not sue that is a realistic expectation. I know it seems like alot at one time but we've been doing test and test with no real answers. Not to say that Mayo is not accomplishing all we expected and needed to be done. They have been amazing and have figured out and done more in a few weeks time than what we were getting accomplished in months in Lynchburg. I'm glad that I came, it's been extremely tough to be here without my husband and kids, but I'm trying to remember when mommy's not well, she can't do all that mommy needs to do. So for them, I must take this time to figure things out and well. Anyway, not much else to report. Though this is alot in one blog.

As for everyone in invovled in the Living Cross. I can't believe performances start TONIGHT. What a ministry. I miss it SO much. I'm praying for all invovled and all who will see it. May God continue to use this ministry for His Glory.

Till next time,
Bye for now

Sunday, March 22

I was determined to make it to church. I woke and the goose egg has gone down but the pain was still very much present. An unbelievable headache on just the right side of my head which is where I hit it. But I got up showered and went to church anyway. I'm glad I did.

So today was just a day. The only thing really to write about it my ant's blueberry pound cake. OOOOOO It was still very warm, real blueberry melted....TO DIE FOR!!!!!!!!!!

Until tomorrow

Saturday, March 22nd

Normally the weekend is nothing to write about. But never a dull moment. First let me say I am doing this blog about my health for many reasons. It helps me, the doctors, helps keep those that want every detail up to date and those who want to know how to pray. The bad part about this is right now, it seems everything is so negative for me. I normally am not this down. So please excuse the honest truth with no candy coating. No pun intended.

I knew Friday night that I was going to be going shopping at Belk cause they were having a big sale. So I deliberatly skipped two times where I was suppose to take my pain meds. I tried just using motrin but it was not helping. I did manage to fing the most adorable dresses for the girls and one for myself as well for Easter. I felt flushed and sweaty and hot in the mall. I got home and took my temp and I had a low fever. I took a pain pill cause the pain was out of control and I laid down for a bit. I woke some hours later and made a trip to "the lil girls room". I felt fine. But somewhere between standing up and opening the door I blacked out. I hit my head on the porceilin sink. OUCH! I had a goose egg on my head. It scared me to death. First cause I was alone at the moment and two the bump on my head made me nervous.

SO lets just say a few pills later and a ice pack I was fast asleep.

Friday, March 19

Well woke in pain and thought...I'm going to cancel my appointment at Mayo today. That didn't last long. Dr Crespo called back right away and said he needed to do the sonogram before the weekend. He promised he would not make me wait since I was in pain. See how awesome this place is!? I forced myself to get up and shower. I had plans to meet Jenn (my best friend from high school...we went to church together). We ate at the Loop in San Marco. I love San Marco. I would SO live there if we lived in Jacksonville. Anyway we had a great lunch with the two of us, her son Tripp and her daughter Julia. SO precious. Made me miss the girls alot more. I left there and soon was heading to Mayo. I dropped off a deposit at the lab and headed upstairs for my sonogram. I've had more sonograms the past 4 months than I had when I wsa pregnant with the girls. Guess what...I have another cyst. Not near as big as the last. SO now I'm going to see a surgeon at Mayo. WONDERFUL. Well I was a lil upset about this but...I'll worry about it next week. I was told I have to stop taking all my meds Sunday, as they will interfere with the test they need to start next Wednesday. SCARY. The only things I can take are the vicadin for pain and (ready for this Mary Lynn?) my Juice Plus!!! In fact Dr. Reigert-Johnson also takes Juice Plus!!!! TOnight I ended my day by having dinner with my dad, Kathy, Aunt Cindy and Uncle Andy (I know nothing like being the fifth wheel right). Longhorns it was. Their new garlic filet is ah-maz-ing. Lastly I ended my day (the bussiest since I've been here) by having one white chocolate covered strawberry and one milk chocolate covered strawberry from Peterbrooke...while snuggling with a big baby girl (a puppy) on the couch. I just hope I don't pay for all the activities tomorrow. Well, time for meds and bed. I miss everyone back home so much!!! Praying for every aspect of the Living Cross. I know you all are working hard and wich I was there with you. Please continue to pray for Michael, the girls and I as we are separated for 12 so far. I have at least 9-10 more days. Pray for some family issues that are taking place here. And pray for the doctors wisdom and my patience and positive attitude about everything. This next week wil be the toughest yet with the doctors taking me off my anxiety and depression meds. I can't begin to tell you have scared I am about this. Thank you all for your calls, emails, text and prayers.

Holding onto my Lion of Judah
Candy

Thursday, March 18th

Did not have any appointments on this day. Since I had the procedor on Wednesday, Dr Crespo said the pain would be too much for me to handle and come to the clinic. He wasn't kidding. I was so out of it people were calling, knocking on the door and ringing the door bell and I NEVER heard a thing. Vicadin does not mess around. House is poppin sweet tarts not vicadin.